If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
