why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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