Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
