I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
