If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
