It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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