just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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