In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
