So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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