AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
