i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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