I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
