I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
