I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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