she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
