Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
