I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
