omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
