Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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