I just saw a hot homeless man
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
