did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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