Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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