What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
