the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
