You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A bitchslap is in order.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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