he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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