I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Success! We fucked roommates!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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