He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
