Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
