dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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