She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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