Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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