You really coming over, don't trick.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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