ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
