He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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