i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
