Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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