Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
