when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
