You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
