Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
