Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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