A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
