I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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