the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
These tits shall not be calmed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
