I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
