Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
