i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
