She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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