after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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